Until I Met You

love was never easy

until I met you

pop culture lies

pressing down on my shoulders

the weight of my failures

as a daughter

a sister

a lover

a friend

threatening to push me under

 

love was never easy

it came with a price

and for so long

I tried to pay it

to grow up

to behave

to say the words

the way they wanted

 

love was never easy

it was conditional

and came with many rules

don’t say that

don’t feel that

don’t be that

just listen to this poison

they pour in your ears

 

I waited to hear your price

listened for the conditions

attached to the love

you showered over me

when they never came

I began to wonder

is this what love truly is?

 

because love was never easy

until I met you

 

~*~

I put a lot of pressure on myself as a young woman. Most of that came from society, the rest from the people around me. I let myself believe that I deserved that pressure, that in order to be a productive member of society I had to follow the formula. The first time I remember deliberately and publicly stepping away from that pressure was when I decided to go traveling.

That’s going to be a theme in my writing. Prepare for it, and if you aren’t at least interested in the idea of leaving your home and the status quo behind this is probably the wrong blog for you to be reading.

I hate to be a stereotype but I met the love of my life after I took a chance and flew across the world. For over two years I traveled alone, did what I wanted when I wanted. I felt that pressure lift, I felt myself settling into a new version of who I wanted to be. This time it was based not on anyone else’s ideals but my own.

That was when I met him. Right when I was becoming not only content to be alone but happy to be alone. When I acted according to my own conscience, not living up to someone else’s ideals. He walked into that movie theatre with a Scottish lilt and a strong bite of sarcasm. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight but it was close enough. That’s a long story for another day.

The point is that more than five years later its just as easy being with him as it was then, as it has been every day since. We’re not perfect, we have issues just like the next couple, but at the end of the day we are each who we want to be and where we want to be. And where we want to be is together.

One thought on “Until I Met You

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